In 1976, Croccodile Drunkee chomped off of a convenience store clerk's hand while taking back his change after purchasing beer.  Although Croccadile Drunkee claimed it was an accident, all stores in the swamp quit selling beer to him.  Out of neccesity and to quench his thirst, Croccadile Drunkee invented his own beer.  Thus, Crocweiser was born.

     Barley malt, rice, hops, yeast, swamp water, and algae.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Six ingredients.  One swampy taste.

     Air, sun, time.  The enemies of a beer's freshness.  It's friends?  Thirsty swamp critters who drink the beer as soon as it is made so it doesn't have time to go flat.

     Crocweiser is constantly adding more flavors to it's beer stable:

  Big Dog Ale - why stay on the porch when you can hang with the big dogs, drinking beastly Big Dog Ale and howling at the moon.

  POP Beer - Pussy Only Please -If you are a real man, this beer will let everyone in the bar know you are not gay.  If you are a lesbian, it will keep the guys off of you as well.

  Crocweiser is always adding more flavors to it's stable of great beers.  Crocweiser is also proud of it's  new program for helping underpriveledged drunks. The program which is promoted by Byran of Bryan's Trailer fame. For every case of Crocweiser you buy Crocweiser will donate a case of empty cans to bums in your area so they can add them to their emptys collection and trade them in for money to buy nore Crocweiser.  Crocweiser cares about the poor and thirsty.  They may not have nice houses or even own their own trailer, but there is not any reason that they should not be plastered.  Heck, in fact, they have more reason to be hammered.  They do not work, they got to have something to do all day.

Crocweiser is not only the beer that makes you drunk but also makes sure that everyone else in your community is drunk too.

Below are two Crocweiser commercials.  The first one is Rocky the Crocweiser truck driver.  The second one is an ad for Crocweiser Italiano.

An article from Rocky the Crocweiser beer truck driver




The kind of beer you drink says something distinctive about your personality. I'm Rocky The Beer Truck Driver and I oughta know. I started drinking at thirteen and have been hanging in bars observing drinkers most of my life. I see what type of beer people buy and when I see someone walking into one of the stores I service, I can predict what kind of beer they are going to buy. I may lug cases of beer for a living but i have the mind, heart, and soul of a pscychologist.

FLAVORED BEER Someone that drinks flavored ber or what I call 'not really beer' like Zima or Smirnoff's that allows someone to look into their soul. My beer truck driving soul reading eyes can tell something about that person. If you are a woman and you drink that type of beer you drop candy into the glass, it says that you are not really a beer drinker. You are just merely getting some alcohol into your system until you hit the club and start suckering guys into buying you expensive mixed drinks. If you are a man and you are drinking that 'not really beer', it says "I'm here, I'm , and I don't like beer!"

MILS BEST - THE BEAST Hey, if you drink the Beast, it shows that size mattersto you. The size of the buzz. You are a quanity man, not a quality man. You want all ofthe beer your limited income can buy. As long as you have enough alcohol to make your head hurt the next day, you don't care if your tummy hurts while you drink it! You are also telling the ladies that you are a lazy slob and you are proud of it!

BUDWEISER AND BUD LIGHT Budweiser is the King of Beers. You are proud and confident. You hold your head straight like you have a crown on it. You have the heart of a champion and you knowthathard work makes you better. You work hard and play hard.

MICHELOB Like the Bud drinker, you are a proud winner. Your nose is a lil' higher in the air so your crown falls off the back of your head. But, you are a class act and women know it and appreciate it.

IMPORT BEER If you drink import beer than you are most likely wearing a name brand shirt. You are prentious and you like import beer because it fills you up so you have an excuse to drink less. You know you can't hang with the big dogs so you hope your arrogance fools everyone else.

NATURAL LIGHT If you are a Natural Light drinker, you are a kind of switch hitter. You like Natty Light because you are on a budget, but if you have some money in your wallet, you'll go up to Budweiser. Then again, if it is a day away from payday, you ain't to proud to drink the Beast. Chances are you save all of your Natty Light empties to buy more beer.

LITE BEER If you drink Lite beer or any Miller products, you are a brave man. This beers are commonly used as floor stripper to take off wax, if too much is used than the place has to be evacuated for everyone's safety. So you are a bold man to drink Lite beer. Of course, if you are a Miller High Life drinker, you may consider yourself half fish. Yeah, that's because Miller High Life is damn close to being water! In fact, it's so close a gold fish can live in a mug of Miller High Life.

CROCWEISER If drink Crocweiser, than you are a righteous dude and chances are yo are a big Alligator Jackson fan. Like AJ, Crocweiser is King of The Swamp. If you ike Croc, than chances are you understand why it should be The Westlake and Gastor Show instead of Westlake and The Pig.

CONCLUSION Hey, any beer will work in a pinch but beer drinkers are a loyal bunch. Some people flutter around and drink different beers but then again some people have diff personalities or are bi-polar. Be careful because what brew you partake in reveals something about who you are and what you value. But as long as you drink beer, chances a cool dude!"




The Smiling Gator is Alligator Jackson writing fake satiric news stories!